Life

Life is mad hard. Gosh. I feel so overwhelmed emotionally and I can't help but to feel like I'm doing it to myself.
My parents told me some things about myself that made me feel good and realize what a strong and unique individual I am. We were talking about my brothers or something and somewhere along the convo we got to me and my mom was like "Dee Dee does for Dee Dee" and how I'm always concered about my needs and my happiness. I didn't really know how to take it because it sounded like such a negative, selfish, quality but it was so true I couldn't even be mad or upset. My dad agreed and I still stood there not saying a word. They continued to talk about how from the time I was little I always wanted what I wanted and did whatever I could to get it. That kinda made me smile because that was true too. My dad went on to say how he was talking to my uncle about me going away to school and that he was so proud of me. My uncle said I am someone who knows what they want in life and works hard for it. Another smile came across my face because that was true. They spoke about how they used to be worried about me because of my horrible attitude (another true statement) but one of my Aunts encouraged my mom to let me be because one day my mouth will benifit her lol. My dad was saying how ummm.... I had a good work ethic when it comes to school, gym, work, and just about anything that has to do directly with Dee Dee and that I just don't put in the same amount of work when it comes to anything else. I guess he said that to my uncle and his response was something like nobodys perfect.
I realized in this convo all about ME that a lot of people are taking notice in my ambition and ummm stuff which makes me wanna work harder at just about everything. I also learned that I should probably try hard at applying my attitude towards myself to other's so that then can benifit a little bit from my greatness. Sometimes talking to the parents is good.

ITS ALMOST TIME!!!!

So im just sitting here refecting on what was a pretty good day, and I have to say I feel pretty accomplished. I got a paper back from my english class A- which is not bad at all ^_^. Called up my future school and made sure everything was going smoothly with my transition which put me at ease since I was soo worried about my credits not being able to transfer but its all good now.
The only thing I really have stressing me out is financial issues. I am 5 months away from leaving gross Poughkeepsie forever which would be a good amount of time to get rid of my debt (shopaholic smh) but I only plan on working until the end of June so not only do I have to pay off my credit cards, I also have to start paying for my summer classes and still have money left over for when Im at school. So much to do in so little time what did I get myself into lol.
Regaurdless, I'm excited about my future and with each day that comes I get more excited and more anxious for my life to really begin!

Memories Don't Live Like People Do

Procrastination

Procrastiating is no bueno. Especially when you have a 4 page paper to write due in less than 24 hours and you don't know what to write. The End.

Seasons

Sitting here vibing to some reggae music and today made me recount a conversation I had with Ashely a while ago (yesterday). I was talking to her about a situation that occured between me and someone else and she was telling me how people come and go in your life for a reason. And I agreed saying that some people are ment to be in your life forever and some are just seasons, they come, they go, you move on to the next one......

Baby Let Me Downgrade You (?)

Keeping this blog nice and short. Hopefully. Basically I liked someone a lot and I guess you can say he broke my heart even though that phrase makes me feel uncomfortable. But I'm over it to some extent but its funny to see what people move on to after they quit you but whatever works for you I guess. If reducing you standards to someone who's illiterate and clearly immature for thier age works for you. If she was pretty that would make it worth it I guess but ehhh.... on that note I'm done blogging.

blog

Sooo I'm definitly supposed to be writng an essay right now but I felt like blogging. Today was bad I just don't wanna talk about it. But this weekend I learned some things about myself and some other people.



The subject of religon came up with two of my friends at the mall on thursday. I wasn't going as hard conversation wise as they were cuz there definitly more religous then I am. I was kinda just listening. I guess it was the part that they were talking about attending church and if it made you religous. I was saying how I was baptized in the same church as one of the girls in the convo and I havent gone on a regular basis since I was like 5. I'm not gonna front I don't feel any type of way about it for the simple fact that I think church is filled with judgemental hypocrites. She was saying that she agrees and that going to church isn't about the people within the congregation its about you strenghening your relationship with God. And having a relationship with God has nothing to do with going to church its about praying and keeping him close to you spiritually.



Someone tried to hook me up on saturday. FAIL! My aunt actually...well shes not really my aunt but I wish she was cuz shes mad cool. Her son brought his friend to a family gathering this past weekend and I guess I was supposed to talk to him lmao... I mean I said hi I don't think I was being rude but he was just far from being my type. She was like don't you wanna go over there and talk to him. I'm like about what???? lol

So its safe to say I will never truly understand males. One of my friends is havin relationship issues. Nothing too out of the ordinary but I refuse to go into detail on the computer. Listening to her, I'm just realizing how similar our stories are. Not just me and her but females in general. I don't understand why good, compassionate, beautiful individuals like ourselves put ourselves though these type of things smh. I just think its important to know what your getting into 100% before jumping in a relationship whether is romantic, friendship, or anything else. We all have our baggage it could be emotional such as loss of trust in others, or physical such as over bearing ex's , child from a previous relationship or issues with the parents of your significant other.

This weekend I had someone who supposed to be close to me try to put me on the spot in a negative way. Two words-No bueno. Its not like I had the best relationship with this person in the past like we had our ups and downs (more downs then ups) but your supposed to get over stuff like that and move on, especially when its family. I guess thats not the case

So in conclusion I learned this weekend:
1. A relationship with God doesn't have everything to do with religon and church. Its spiritual and personal between you and Him

2. I shouldn't let the actions of others affect wheather I want to go to church or not or if I wanna do anything else for that matter.

3. Don't trust others to hook you up with someone. Not that I ever did lol. But yea if you want something to be done right you gotta do it yourself

4.People don't truly change they just become more of what they were so don't give anyone the benefit of the doubt

5.You can't change what people do to you in relationships but you can change your reaction to there actions.

6. Know what your getting into before you start up a relationship. Its important to make sure your fully aware of others intentions and make sure there worth the potential drama they bring before your end up in a situation you regret.

I can honestly say thta even though this blog has little to do with why I'm in such a bad mood, writing definitly made my heart a little less heavy.